Misery

Yesterday, Louis fussed from about 5 p.m. to almost 1 a.m. Nothing would soothe him for long. We swaddled him up. We went for a walk in the stroller. We rocked and danced and sang, but he cried anyway. He cried and fussed at the breast. He cried in the Moby wrap. He hates pacifiers and seemingly hates us.

Well, I'm being silly. Babies have no emotions, just needs. And yesterday he had some urgent need that wasn't being met. Who knows what is happening in their growing and immature little bodies? He had several massive poops later on during the cryfest. Maybe that was it.

Anyway there's nothing like a day like yesterday to shake your confidence in your mothering, especially when even breastfeeding seems to cause misery. Mothering a newborn is not fun, not for me at least. Or even rewarding. We rarely "play" because he is either crying or eating or sleeping. I feel so guilty about this lack of positive interactions with him. Like he's not getting enough developmentally appropriate stimulation. But how do you do anything with a cry baby except feed it and try to get it to calm down?

I know I'm not the only mom who has a high-maintenance baby. And knowing that helps a little bit. But still, I'm looking forward to the day when the days and nights aren't things that I just slog through and survive, when I can actually enjoy having this new person around and getting to know him.

So this morning I am reading this and trying to feel better: Don't Carpe Diem (on Momastery).

And oh yeah, he's now been sleeping for hours.