Waiting to grow up

Time is both my friend and enemy. When I stop to think about it, it's amazing how far Louis has come, and so often the things that frustrate me get better with time. Every day truly is a new day. He grows up just a little bit more - his body is slightly more mature, his brain is figuring out this big world bit by bit. Everyone tells me that in looking back, this time will seem so short. And it is. Three months is nothing in the grand scheme.

Still, when I'm in the midst of it, I feel like I'm counting the seconds. The days are just an endless series of crying, then doing whatever it is that makes him calm and prolong that calm, then nursing, and getting him to fall asleep and stay asleep, then repeat. I suppose the things I'm doing are actually helping him, but they also just fill the hours.

Maybe also, this waiting and living by the minute helps me gather the patience I need to be a better mom. It is difficult to live by a baby's schedule, but I find that when I let go of my adult expectations for Louis, it's a little easier to deal with him. I can't make him grow up faster, but I can definitely be more patient with him and with myself and Chris.