The second child
I'm glad that I started this blog years ago to give a record of my first moments of motherhood. It was important to write down and helped me process that truly momentous and mundane transformation. Then, life started picking up. We made friends. I went back to work part-time. And I stopped writing. So it goes.
But let me take a moment now to write about transitioning to being a family of four. I am ever mindful of how short-changed the second child can be. I'm trying to take lots of pictures of Darren and mark his milestones. I try to be as astounded by his development as I was by his brother's. In truth, I am.
I wondered how or if I could ever pay as much attention to a theoretical second child as I did to my first. But the reality is you do meet the needs of all your actual children. That's what mothering is. You rise to the occasion. Sometimes you don't, but the more mothering I do, the more I see that picking myself up and trying to do my best again after failing is a critical component to raising kids. They have to see that. We must model our humanity in all its aspects.
In some ways, the second baby is easier. You may be a little more relaxed. However, the sleep deprivation is still real and excruciating, and the not-knowing-what-you're-doing is still there. But you also know that things will change slowly and before you're ready.
And there's the older one who still needs you. The challenge of loving and modeling good behavior for and with an intelligent, verbal, self-assured 4-year-old is intense. Many people told us that handling the older child would be the real difficulty. I have found this to be true. Not because of sibling rivalry. It's just the constant relentless negotiation of terms. I think though that this would be the case even if there were no other new human being in the picture. So really, once again, I must come to the conclusion that there isn't really anything anyone can do or avoid doing to make parenting easier. You just have to do it. Rise to the occasion.
But the love, oh the true love between my two boys is just so unbelievably sweet and pure. A model for every one of us.
But let me take a moment now to write about transitioning to being a family of four. I am ever mindful of how short-changed the second child can be. I'm trying to take lots of pictures of Darren and mark his milestones. I try to be as astounded by his development as I was by his brother's. In truth, I am.
I wondered how or if I could ever pay as much attention to a theoretical second child as I did to my first. But the reality is you do meet the needs of all your actual children. That's what mothering is. You rise to the occasion. Sometimes you don't, but the more mothering I do, the more I see that picking myself up and trying to do my best again after failing is a critical component to raising kids. They have to see that. We must model our humanity in all its aspects.
In some ways, the second baby is easier. You may be a little more relaxed. However, the sleep deprivation is still real and excruciating, and the not-knowing-what-you're-doing is still there. But you also know that things will change slowly and before you're ready.
And there's the older one who still needs you. The challenge of loving and modeling good behavior for and with an intelligent, verbal, self-assured 4-year-old is intense. Many people told us that handling the older child would be the real difficulty. I have found this to be true. Not because of sibling rivalry. It's just the constant relentless negotiation of terms. I think though that this would be the case even if there were no other new human being in the picture. So really, once again, I must come to the conclusion that there isn't really anything anyone can do or avoid doing to make parenting easier. You just have to do it. Rise to the occasion.
But the love, oh the true love between my two boys is just so unbelievably sweet and pure. A model for every one of us.
Rise to the occasion. I'm proud to say my mother has used these words in my childhood and I'd forgotten. I love this phrase. Thank you for this reminder!
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