Believing in Goodness
I always tell L to look for the good. He can get caught up in negativity, the injustice and frustration of not getting his way or having to deal with a boundary. I try to acknowledge his negative feelings and encourage him to remember what he was able to do or what could be possible at another time. Of course, this strategy doesn't immediately turn that frown upside down, but at least it's practice for gratitude and reframing ourselves in a positive light.
There is lots of bad news these days. Lots of ways in which the world is revealing itself to be less just, less fair, less decent than we thought it was. It is impossible for me to carry on without acknowledging how far we need to go to get an equitable world, but I still look for the good. Seeing the good doesn't make me blind to the bad, and vice versa.
So something I've been feeling grateful for lately is how some gender barriers are being challenged and dismantled, ever so slowly. I am grateful that it is increasingly normal for boys and girls to be who they are and have their own interests without coming up against gender expectations. This is not to say that everyone accepts people for who they are, but it seems like more people are recognizing the foolishness of rigid gender roles. Why can't girls be part of the Boy Scouts? How does including girls "ruin" that institution? How are adventure and exploration a gendered experience? What message are we sending to boys when we imply that girls can't or shouldn't participate in their fun? I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks that it's entirely possible to let kids be kids and find their own place in the world.
Sure, maybe in aggregate, boys share certain traits and girls share others. But it seems like a lot easier to just value all kids as explorers, questioners, scientists, caregivers and friends. We can let kids play with what holds their interest and be friends with whomever they have a connection. If it falls in line with common gender tropes, fine. If not, no big deal. The more we recognize how expansive the world can be, the better and stronger we can make our future. Look at what inflexible notions of femininity and masculinity have led us.
There is lots of bad news these days. Lots of ways in which the world is revealing itself to be less just, less fair, less decent than we thought it was. It is impossible for me to carry on without acknowledging how far we need to go to get an equitable world, but I still look for the good. Seeing the good doesn't make me blind to the bad, and vice versa.
So something I've been feeling grateful for lately is how some gender barriers are being challenged and dismantled, ever so slowly. I am grateful that it is increasingly normal for boys and girls to be who they are and have their own interests without coming up against gender expectations. This is not to say that everyone accepts people for who they are, but it seems like more people are recognizing the foolishness of rigid gender roles. Why can't girls be part of the Boy Scouts? How does including girls "ruin" that institution? How are adventure and exploration a gendered experience? What message are we sending to boys when we imply that girls can't or shouldn't participate in their fun? I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks that it's entirely possible to let kids be kids and find their own place in the world.
Sure, maybe in aggregate, boys share certain traits and girls share others. But it seems like a lot easier to just value all kids as explorers, questioners, scientists, caregivers and friends. We can let kids play with what holds their interest and be friends with whomever they have a connection. If it falls in line with common gender tropes, fine. If not, no big deal. The more we recognize how expansive the world can be, the better and stronger we can make our future. Look at what inflexible notions of femininity and masculinity have led us.
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